"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen
(co-written with Alicia Pronyshyn)
Death is an inevitable part of life, and absolutely no fun for anyone involved. Even planning for it can be a daunting task. Most people don’t or won’t think about this until they are forced to and only then do they learn what is involved.
Simplistically here are roughly the steps, none of which are easy; especially when you are learning what is required AS you are doing them…
- Inform the appropriate authorities and obtain a medical certificate of death
- Select a funeral home and meet with a funeral director to discuss options and preferences
- Choose between burial and cremation, and decide on the type of service (e.g., religious, non-religious, memorial service, etc.).
- This may include embalming, dressing, and casketing.
- Choose a casket or urn, memorial marker, flowers, et
- Plan the details of the service, including location, officiant, music, readings, etc.
- The funeral home usually assists with obtaining the death certificate and other necessary permits.
- Conduct the funeral or memorial service. This includes arranging the service itself, booking catering, organizing and sending out notices and invitations
- The actual burial or interment.
(Note: None of this includes the process of settling the estate which can be a whole other level of hassle and grief, literally)
On top of the complexity, there is the cost. Typical Costs might be:
- Basic Services Fee: $1,500 - $3,000
- Embalming: $500 - $1,000
- Casket: $1,000 - $5,000 (can be higher for premium options)
- Urn: $100 - $1,000
- Burial Plot: $1,000 - $5,000
- Cremation: $600 - $1,200
- Grave Marker: $1,000 - $3,000
- Flowers: $100 - $500
- Obituary: $100 - $400
- Misc Costs: $500 - $2,000
Total $5000-$15,000 or more
Plus there would be costs for the funeral/memorial itself and that can range in price from $15 to $100+ per person. So this would add $1500-$10,000 for 100 people to come to your service. (And I am expecting Taylor Swift level turnout for mine…)
Of course these costs can vary widely based on individual preferences and local pricing. According to Canada Life the average cost for a funeral in Canada is just over $9000. https://www.canadalife.com/investing-saving/estate-planning/funeral-cost-canada.html
So, hassle, grief and cost on top of your actual mourning. Not a great situation.
But what if there was a way to make it more affordable and -as important- less confusing? There are two:
- Memorial Societies: These non-profit organizations, found in the USA and Canada, are run by volunteer boards and committees. A modest lifetime fee (usually about $50/person) provides members with comprehensive resources to plan simple and affordable funerals. They typically offer guidance on funeral planning, legal requirements, and may have arrangements with local funeral homes for discounted services. They focus on simplicity and affordability.
- A Funeral Planning Cooperative is a member-owned organization that provides funeral services to its members. It operates on a cooperative business model, where members have a say in the operations and decisions of the cooperative. They may own funeral homes, crematories, or other facilities, and provide a full range of funeral services to members.
While both Memorial Societies and Funeral Planning Cooperatives aim to assist with funeral planning, their approaches are different. Memorial Societies focus on education, advocacy, and ensuring affordability, while Funeral Planning Cooperatives operate as member-owned businesses that provide comprehensive funeral services in line with the members' values and preferences. Memorial Societies are more about guidance and support, whereas Funeral Planning Cooperatives are more hands-on in providing actual funeral services.
What is required?
The tricky part of both of these of options is that you have to do something about them while you are still alive and kicking. Taking some time and energy to have this hard conversation with family, discuss some options and let your wishes by known. It also means they will have an easier time dealing with everything when we shuffle off this mortal coil. PLUS… for those of us who are often considered ‘cheap’ by our family, this is out LAST CHANCE to influence how our family spends some of our hard-earned dough!
To learn more about either of these alternatives, a quick web search will help you find some options. As an example here are two in Alberta:
https://www.memorialsocietyofalberta.com/
https://www.calgarymemorial.com/
If you want to start this conversation, feel free to contact me and we can get you started. An hour or two now may save your family -and the crowds of wailing, distraught followers- a few days of literal grief, so they can concentrate on the loss of you.
